always.

date/time Wednesday, April 30, 2008,8:01:00 PM

i feel like i've just woke up from a nightmare. everything just seems unbelievable. it's not until the last minute, literally the last minute, we lost the lead. when the last whistle was blown, everything progressed slowly. the stopwatch reads 15 minutes plus to the end of quarter and the umpire signed the scorecard writing the game to PJC. it's so hard to swallow. nothing else around you matters anymore and the cheering behind echoes. how i hoped it was all a nightmare and perhaps it was time for me to wake up but the time never came because it's never a dream, it was reality. i was just too stunned to cry and i think that applied for most of us. but when it really hit us crying can't even get you feeling better the slightest bit. i thought the hardest part was not crying by myself but looking at my teammates, people whom i love and cherish, cry their hearts out. because you know whatever you say can't help them feel better and you dont know what to say because you feel the same way as them.

grieve is unavoidable but nonetheless other factors matter as well. looking back, the njc netball team trained hard together. we sprint the suicidal runs together. we encouraged each other during long runs. we cheered for each other on court and during trainings. we praised every good passes and good efforts put in by our teammates. we joked and laughed our heads off the dirty jokes and random comments. we helped each other refill our bottles. we helped one another pick up loose balls. the midfielders helped shooters pick up the balls. we spent nights together having dinner and going home together afterwards. we had the vigorous training camp in school. we went KL to train and we got to know each other more. we teased huiqi whenever we get the chance to. we love to camwhore alot. we learn to love each other and enjoy one another's company for this few months. from this game, i truly felt the team spirit and the passion for the sport. though the outcome was far from desired, we all gained something new in life. we gained friendship, we gained fond memories that you won't forget for life. lastly we gained trust and faith from each other which are the basis for human relationships.

nationals have ended for national netball team this year but we promise to fight hard again next year and keep the passion going. because truly, it's only when i play netball, i forget about the upsetting stuff and be myself again. and hanging out with the netballers do cheer me up at times when i'm down. it's huge part of my jc life and i'm not going to give it up just because of this game today.

go nj netballers. this isn't the end.

date/time Tuesday, April 29, 2008,10:33:00 PM

tomorrow's the big day. we gonna step on court feeling good about ourselves and stepping out feeling the same way. NJC vs PJC. i know all of us want it SOOO badly so we will try our best to get it no matter what. but enjoy the game girls.

stand strong and stay confident, peizi.
do your best and lead the team, mel.
continue to offer for your front space and keep up with your good shots, weishan
run into your space and steady down your play when needed, wanying.
keep offering and be confident of your "lops" into the goal circle, pauline.
don't get too stressed about your mistakes and just play on, joyce.
continue with your impressive intercepts, jieqi.
dont let the blue black affect your play you are a strong player, huiqi.
work hard and move those powerful legs of yours, wantian.
keep calling out and jump for rebounds, chengsiang.
stay long and lanky and intercept those passes, joey.
and for myself, i gotta stay strong for myself and for the team.
and sherfeng, thanks for all the encouragement and for being there for me when i need someone to buy food with me, when i got stressed about netball, when i want someone to take bus home with me, when i forgot to bring water bottle and you lent me yours. i really do appreciate it.

let's go girls. let's show them what we've got.

date/time Sunday, April 27, 2008,11:01:00 PM

great i'm all dried up. it's time to move on.

date/time Friday, April 25, 2008,10:05:00 PM

Got introduced to you by a friend
You were cute and all that
Baby you set the trend
Yes you did, oh
The next thing I know we're down at the cinema
We're sitting there you said you love me
What's that about?

You're moving too fast,
I don't understand you
I'm not ready yet, baby I can't pretend
No I can't
The best I can do is tell you to talk to me
It's possible, eventual
Love will find a way
Love will find a way

Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready
Don't say your heart's in a hurry
It's not like we're gonna get married
Give me, give me some time

Here's how I play, here's where you stand
Here's what to prove to get any further than where it's been
I'll make it clear, not gonna tell you twice
Take it slow, you keep pushing me
You're pushing me away
Pushing me away

Don't say you love me
You don't even know me baby
Baby don't say you love me, baby
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Give me some time

Give me some time i'm confused.

date/time Thursday, April 24, 2008,8:05:00 PM

HAPPY 17 thBIRTHDAY JOYCE YAP! (:

hey you pretty property hope you're reading this, thanks so much for being there all this while listening to my grumbles, tolerating my randomness, offering good advice for certain stuff... i'm really thankful to get to know you better since last year. stay happy and pretty yeah? love you (:
(P.S. yeah including the 'loud burping', 'kicking my ass', 'teasing me' you)

so how was today... i really want to say that it had been a fantastic day for joyce but it wasn't for me. it was pretty rotten. bright early morning, i realised i forgot to bring my chem assignment which was due today so had to copy from desiree in school. during morning training the ball hit my head when i was shooting and it hit my jaw again when i shoot in the gym in the afternoon. a really terrible news striked me too after morning training. i was late again for morning assembly in 2 days straight. something happened in the afternoon that made me pretty upset and i dont know why the hell am i upset for. i think it caused my gastric problem to act up in the late afternoon and worsened on my way home. yeah that's all for my rotten day.

date/time Wednesday, April 23, 2008,10:39:00 PM

The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting

It couldn’t be that we have been this way before
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind

I won’t live to see another day
I swear its true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you that
I would never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start

Oh, But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind

I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It’s impossible to find

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I’m yours to keep

And hold onto your words
‘Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you’re asleep

Because tonight will be the night that
I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

date/time 8:10:00 PM

today's one of the rare days i get to reach home early and see my room still lighted up by sunlight haha. rushed home after caal today to finish up my PI. we sort of didnt go for caal either. we were playing bridge at our usual secret place. anyway time seems to pass really slowly this week since monday. i really can't wait for the friday match. we feel all ready to play but there's still two more days to go.. darn.

alright got to go do some DNA questions.. bleah.

oh yeah, it's SOMEBODY's birthday tomorrow! (:

date/time Monday, April 21, 2008,8:51:00 PM

You look so beautiful today

When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away

So I try to find the words that I could say

I know distance doesn't matter

But you feel so far away

And I can't lie

But everytime I leave my heart turns grey

And I,

I wanna come back home to see your face

And I...

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

I can wait, I can wait forever

When you come my heart stops beating

When you're gone it won't stop beating

I can wait, I can wait forever...

You look so beautiful today

It's like everytime I turn around I see your face

The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you

When I look into your eyes, man,

I wish that I could stay

And I can't lie, but everytime I leave my heart turns grey

And I, I wanna come back home to see your face

And I...

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

I can wait,

I can wait..

I can wait forever

When you come my heart stops beating

When you're gone it won't stop bleeding

I can wait, I can wait.. I can wait forever...

I know it feels like forever

I guess that just a price

I've gotta pay

But when I come back home to feel your touch makes it better

'Til that day there's nothing else I can do

And I just can take it (Just can't take it)

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

I can wait, I can wait.. I can wait forever

When you come my heart stops beating

When you're gone it won't stop bleeding

I can wait, I can wait..

I can wait forever...

I can wait forever

date/time 8:04:00 PM

girls, we will go for it again.

date/time Sunday, April 20, 2008,6:02:00 PM

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH... i need to complain. i've been sitting beside this computer and on this so not comfortable chair in my small room for practically the entire day to rush finish all my going to overdue work. my back is aching and my brain cells are depleting. jeez. at least i managed to finish functions, VA and almost finishing gases. wheeee (:

date/time Saturday, April 19, 2008,11:28:00 PM

training from 6 to 8 pm today. then went for team lunch at the usual place, subway at kallang leisure park. i'm starting to like subway really much now haha. especially the chocolate chip or double chocolate cookie (: if i could bake as well i would have bake a hundred for myself haha.

nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.
nationals is coming.

sorry i just need to set my mindset right. i'm nervous. i'm excited. i'm worried. oh wells

you forgot when's my nationals... this kind of things really do show how much you care.

date/time Thursday, April 17, 2008,10:58:00 PM

friendly match at kallang netball centre today again. same thing this time too umpired for two quarters and played for two quarters. could have played better i feel.

oh and i discovered three bruises on my leg in which two of them are situated at the same place on both knees. how cool is that. haha. i can't really remember how i get them. it either from the defenders or i've been knocking into things. the manly GK i played against today is really quite rough so i'm expecting a few more to appear tomorrow haha.

counting down to nationals: 4 days left.

okay at least this isn't an "emo" post, joyce. i had the word "haha" up there.

date/time Tuesday, April 15, 2008,11:41:00 PM

i need a break.

date/time Monday, April 14, 2008,9:42:00 PM

If I had to live my life without you near me

The days would all be empty

The nights would seem so long

With you I see forever oh so clearly

I might have been in love before

But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young and we both know

They'll take us where we want to go

Hold me now

Touch me now

I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you

You ought to know by now how much I love you

One thing you can be sure of

I'll never ask for more than your love

Nothing's gonna change my love for you

You ought to know by know how much I love you

The world may change my whole life thru but

Nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not to be so easy

Our love will lead the way for us

Just like a guiding star

I'll be there for you

If you should ever need me

You don't have to change a thing

I love you just the way you are

So come with me and share the view

I'll help you see forever too

Hold me now

Touch me now

I don't want to live without you

Nothings gonna change my love for you

You ought to now by now how much I love you

One thing you can be sure of

Nothing's gonna change my love for you

You ought to know by now how much I love you

The world may change my whole life thru' but

Nothing's gonna change my love for you.

no special meanings here. it's just simply a really sweet song that i really like.

date/time Sunday, April 13, 2008,12:32:00 AM

okay i just saw the lyrics of this song and there's this one line that really impacted me.

Lifehouse - Broken

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain is there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded,

I'm an open book instead

I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain is there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you will throw my way

And I'm hangin' on to the words you say

You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

date/time 12:01:00 AM

friendly match at AJC today. i'm really happy that i got a chance to umpire for two quarters and play for two quarters. when things don't come easy, i really learn to cherish them. Nationals start on 21st April and the fixtures are out. first match with RJC on 21st April, then Dunman High, YJC then PJC.

let's give it all out, girls.

Viva La Musica tomorrow. it's like a small break from my hectic life and screwed life.

If the heart is always searching,

Can you ever find a home?

I've been looking for that someone,

I'll never make it on my own.

When you look me in the eyes,

And tell me that you love me.

Everything's alright,

When you're right here by my side.

When you look me in the eyes.

no, not everything is alright.

date/time Friday, April 11, 2008,11:06:00 PM

Don't run.
Don't worry.
i won't be there anymore.

date/time Wednesday, April 09, 2008,11:40:00 PM

cip with the kids today had been fun, excluding the fact that i was really tired and almost doze off while looking at the little children draw their master pieces. i really like xiuhui's little indian boy. he's so cute.

alright so what do i have this week? probably just trainings and VIVA LA MUSICAL~ haha. gotta support wanyun and lavania and chian siang since i didnt turn up for any of their choir concert the past 2 years.

so busy so tired. i really need to stop thinking so much. i am starting to over-estimate this puny brain of mine.

oh yes my horror movie partner pauline suggests i should catch the orphanage but i cant find anyone to watch it with me. anyone up to it?

this is such a chunky post, and a chunky conclusion. oh wells